To date, this is one of the most inspirational pieces I’ve found. It’s written for people who, like myself, are in the crossroads of change in their lives. I had twenty-one years get flushed away by … no. Stop. That makes it sounds like I’m some kind of victim. I am not a victim. However, I, too, had the experience where a Victim Advocate, a nice lady named Erin, came into the courtroom gallery at my wife’s domestic violence hearing and asked me directly: “are you a victim, sir?”
It was like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I could hardly formulate an answer. I’d never been asked that before or since. I managed a meek “yes …” long pause. “yes, I am.” At that moment, I felt utterly ridiculous.
Lisa’s article is about taking the bull by the horns; pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. All the things that those old weatherworn clichés capture. But this is a work of art. And it reads that way.
“Let me introduce you to the victim advocate,” offered the policeman who had arrested my husband the day before.
I stopped short. That was the first time that word – victim – had ever been applied to me. I certainly felt victimized. My partner of sixteen years had just abandoned me with a text message, stolen all of my money and then committed bigamy. Yet even though I was still in the acute phase of suffering, I startled at the application of the word “victim.”
Because even though I had been hurt, I did not want to see myself as a victim. Although it felt good for the pain and unfairness to be recognized, the term also made me feel minimized. That word embodied weakness in my mind and I wanted to feel powerful. It spoke of a lack of control and I wanted to be the one to drive…
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Here’s an interesting article from Honey and the Homewrecker on how some people employ a process of rationalization to justify bad or unethical behavior. I loved the featured graphic: “a guilty conscience needs no accuser.” Very true, but if and only if the person in question actually has a conscience. Some people simply don’t. My experience with a serial cheater has shown that some people can exist under layer after layer of deceit, and do so for years. Their lives are so highly compartmentalized that it can work for long periods, until …
{ Despair to Deliverance } 